lots of thoughts whirring about, which one to choose
i know that 21 is incredibly young. but sometimes i fear that i'm old already. i fear time passing me by, not being able to achieve everything i want to achieve... will i ever speak multiple languages? will i ever get over my fear of public speaking, over my tendancy to stutter, to say what is on my mind? will i grow into myself enough to have the confidence i need to go out on a limb to make changes i feel need to be made? i fear the passing of time, because it's so subtle, and if you don't actively make the effort to grow and learn, you don't. i fear that change won't be made.
sometimes, when i look at the world at large, i am overcome by sadness. possibly because last week i saw two really heavy movies just about back to back, but it nonetheless jerked me into reality. first i saw Babel, then Blood Diamond. i would highly recommend both of them, but i warn you, they are movies that expose the truth: the truth that what we uphold as greatness is in fact laden with ugliness, pain, suffering. i feel it is my responsibility to do something about all this ugliness, be i one small person. but how can i do something when i myself am so ugly, so hypocritical, so a part of everything i at once hate?
i don't feel like writing endlessly about this, because we all know how this internal argument usually goes. i'm just saying, is all.
in other news, i'm living a fairly eventful life these days. for the first time in my life i had a date for valentines day, and over the past week i went to a baroque exhibit at a nearby art gallery, i went to the opera (daphne, by strauss), and last night some friends and i went to this old jazz bar with some of the most incredible live jazz i've ever heard, i positively got chills up my spine. and now it's reading break: aka, read anything but textbooks and have fun break. yaaay!
i'm so good! i'm actually posting on my blog!